The West Wind: September 2010

~ This is a fictional dramatization of true incidents ~

I was fidgeting with the curls of the phone-wire long after everyone in the office had left. It wasn’t something extraordinary for me, the long hours at work. I had nothing appealing waiting for me back home anyway. Solitude had inundated life, and I had engrossed myself in futile and wacky work. Alas I wasn’t finding the much sought after solace even there. Today was different than the other morose late evening surf sessions. My freaking mind was playing weird games with me. After pulling a couple of strings I had ferreted out what I had been secretly wishing for sometime now. But as I crumpled the little piece of post-it between my fingers, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to use it anymore.

Maybe it was too late.. maybe it was too inappropriate.. maybe.. I was unsure if I should call him after all. Life has moved on and it has been a long long time… But if nothing else, he was still a friend. I could just talk to him to know how he was doing. I dialed the number a couple of times but disconnected even before the call went through. I was acting weird. I had always been sure about everything in my life. But this wasn’t in line. Finally I thought.. wtf .. I will just call. Maybe he won’t even answer.. it must be really really late there.

“Hello”, he sounded the same as years ago. “Umm.. hello” I faltered. Wow.. I needed no further introduction. Even after these years he knew who I was (Impressive). After a few pleasantries, we talked.. really talked. Although we were talking after ages, it didn’t feel like it. I had never felt this magnetic force between us before. That night I slept like a baby. I was savoring the feeling of having something to look forward to (Oh.. Out of the world).

The past fleeted before my eyes. School days when every day orbited around him. Those 5 minutes when we could share our day with each other had been more than enough. Childhood fantasies never come true.. do they.. My young mind had envisioned a bright future with him. Alas time (and mountains of Ego) had forced us to part our ways. We had been friends, we had been foes. But our consideration towards each other had never changed to apathy. My joy knew no bounds. Getting a friend back was a great achievement.

The following night something prodigious happened. He said those words which I had never expected or even wished for. I had always wished to retrieve our lost friendship, but never our love. Maybe it was like one of those unsaid wishes. The love, the laughter, the anger and the tears it all came back to me at once. My sane half was bellowing and beseeching me to pay heed. Vibes from an ex are the devil’s call. But my impulsive half urged and argued, what if this was my chance to get back everything I had once wanted.. everything I thought I had deserved. What if this was life’s way of giving me back all that.. What if this was my only chance..

Alas sanity succumbed to impulse. As always, reason lost to love. Friends had often said how charming a couple we made together. But I had always warded off these things by saying that ‘the past is past’ and ‘I don’t wish to live in the past’. But today the prospect of reliving the past appeared so attractive. The third night heard me whispering ‘the magic words’ for him. By now all reason in me had perished. I was uber-sure my heart was leading me the right way. He sounded sure too.

I didn’t believe in myself anymore. I didn’t need to. I believed in him. My sane half still warned me 'He is still the same diffident and meek guy'. Years ago he had deluded me.
‘But how would we make it work, you are so far away’.. he had asked. ‘We will make it work’, I had assured. What could I do to show him that I meant what I said..

I knew.. I hopped onto the next flight and headed East (Whoa.. it wasn’t Adrenalin in blood anymore, it was blood in Adrenalin now).
There he was.. at the same place where we had met countless times years ago. In the lush greens of the park, he looked like a Roman God. His crescent smile and dreamy eyes made my stomach churn.

~ The End ~

Conclusions:

- In love, the heart rules.

- Always abide by it’s (in)decisions.

- In love, it is always okay to take a leap of faith.

~ Oops.. Twist ~

But his eyes dug into mine in a cold stare. And then.. it hit me, ‘Oh My God.. What the hell am I doing.. I am such an idiot. This was such a mistake.’ His stare was slashing into my insides

I scrambled in my head but couldn’t articulate any audible sound. He stood there, equally still. ‘May my impulse rot in hell. What the hell was I thinking? How could I have thought that all this was gonna work out. Damned be his dreamy eyes and charming voice.’

I could discern in his eyes what was coming next. All I had to hear was the ‘I am sorry….’ I was surprised, that I wasn’t upset at all at the aspect of this whole childhood love-thing not working out. Indeed I was furious at myself for making me look so ridiculous and callow. Impetuous, stupid and still crazy about him.. oh I painted such a nice picture for him.. and the worst one for myself. The ‘twilight’ love evaporated into thin air.

He must be gloating in gratification, while jabbering out his zillion excuses about ‘How he didn’t want to make things more complicated and how its best for both of us to let things be the way they were’. I wasn’t even listening, I was too busy choking and drowning in the sea of my own shame and despise. He went on and on about ‘how he couldn’t do the same thing to someone else as he had done to me years ago’. Huff… Could I care any less.

Finally at the end of the long “heart-broken” monologue, all I could get out was a flustered ‘Alright’. And amazingly, he had seemed taken-aback and greatly displeased with my ‘Alright’. Perhaps he was contemplating a more dramatic end to this “event”. Abuses flying at him.. Tears streaking my cheeks.. Yeah.. sure.. like I hadn’t scarred my self respect enough for one life.

He tried to scrape the wonderfully sewn ‘fissure in our fabric’ by a couple of more apologies, some messengers who brought the same messages and relished playing a key role in reviving an extinct relationship. Each time, I smiled assuringly and claimed ‘Its alright. No hard feelings. I understand.’ While I prayed in my head ‘ God please let this be erased from the memory of mankind.’

And fortunately for me, in about 4 years, those 2 weeks never came up again.

~ The ‘Real’ End ~

Great Story On Adversities of Love. Yet.. Happy Ending :)

Conclusions:

- In life, all organs of the body must stick to doing what they are best at, i.e.

Heart --> Pumping Blood ; Mind --> Making decisions.

- Never try to exchange these God-designed functions, otherwise, before the mind-pumping–blood can kill you, the heart-making-decisions will.

- In life, taking a leap of faith is alright, but only when its faith on your own instincts.