The Come Back

“It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere”

These words express me in my present state of mind as best as words can do. It has been a significant amount of time since I last posted something here. It does not mean that my love and zeal for pen & paper or this virtual space has declined any bit, just that other essential undertakings for the existence and subsistence of a living form, like work, had to take the priority.

Liberty from parental rule does not always mean all ‘play’ and no ‘work’. Instead at times it turns out to be ‘work’ and more ‘work’. It is like an unsaid passing of the torch of discipline from the strong bearing maternal hands to our own fragile wavering hands.  The topsy-turvy ride with a ponderous torch in one hand and feet scrambling to stay put on the quivering ground, is a constant battle to hold our forte. The doctrines of a coordinated life appear transcendental. Mind threatening, as it is, sometimes existence is threatened as well. So in my pursuit to hold my forte, I made a promise to myself (not the kind of commitment that Salman Khan makes, which he himself can’t alter). I can totally.. and mostly always I falter from the word I give to myself.

I had set my mind, I am not going to open a new word file until I hand in my thesis. This time it was an exception. A couple of times I felt that all ‘work’ and no ‘play’ has taken its stall. I severed my promises to myself and was ready to indulge myself in avocations. I opened a new word file and typed in ‘The Comeback’.. but I couldn’t bring myself to turn my thoughts into words. My mind was cluttered with p-tests, trend-lines, figures, tables and what not. The tortoise shrunk back into its shell. I exited the blank file. I thought, after all ‘play’ should always come after ‘work’.

On the 1^st of this month, after 48 long hours of mind numbing struggle with the keyboard and MS-Word formatting, I handed in my thesis. Then a couple of days to gather my thoughts and banish any specks of scientific writing from my mind until a week and a half atleast (that is when I will get the comments from my supervisor) and I am back to doing what I love, sneaking time in between lab work and everyday errands.    

In the meantime, I consigned to oblivion regarding the completion of 365 days since this virtual space of expression, reflection and conception, came into existence. Special moments do not always need jubilations to mark them. Perhaps.. some other time..

Sacrifices have to be made to achieve something, in my case, a degree. Well the degree comes handy in earning bread, and more imperative and salient things. Over the past 2 months, some ideas that had been playing in my mind have been lost, some visions I had are misty, some inspirations have become rusty. Nevertheless my mind is freshly reconstructed. Some tattered ruminations still persist.. some new ideas have started taking shape.. some new concepts have started to crystallize. I have verpasst some amazing and powerful posts by fellow bloggers. Few, I managed to catch on the verge of time.

Nevertheless my motivation has been newly reconstructed. Armed with a blank mind, with this post, I dive yet again into this world of virtual bliss.